Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
