peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
you mean i was at the winter classic?
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
