Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
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