From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
