They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Randomize
