i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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