What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Randomize
