Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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