Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
