the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
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