you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Randomize
