he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
