My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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