I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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