My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Randomize
