grandma shit on top of the toilet
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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