Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
