Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
