I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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