Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize
