I just pynch a tree in the face
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize