dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
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