I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
