So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
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