why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Randomize
