so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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