also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
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