Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize