i don't plan on having that self control this summer
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Randomize
