tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
