weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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