Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
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