Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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