he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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