if you like me you must not know who I am
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
