from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Randomize
