if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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