Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Randomize
