apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
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