Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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