god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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