YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
