So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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