watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
