Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Even my vagina gasped.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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