it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Randomize
