why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
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