The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
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