Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
