ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
