The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
