Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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