Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
pray to the hookup gods
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Randomize