the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
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