just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize
