I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
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