There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
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