Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Randomize
