Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
