Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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