New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
