i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
