it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Randomize
