Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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