I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
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