You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Randomize
