Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
