i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
