Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Randomize
