Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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