So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Randomize
