once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Randomize
